99 Bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer

by Ivette Ricco, President of Femmefan.com

May 16, 2004

 

 

 

 

 

Quick Quiz:
Which sports franchise offered unlimited free beer for signing up for season tickets?

 

1. Milwaukee Brewers
2. Montreal Expos
3. Boston Celtics
4. Cincinnati Bengals
5. Chicago Bulls
6. Tampa Bay Lightning

   
   The answer is:
   The Tampa Bay Lightning.
   Who?
   We know that Tampa Bay has the Bucs, recent Super Bowl champs we also know that they have nice weather, pretty ladies and buffed men. But, they also have an NHL franchise, who knew?
   What a stroke of genius. What a way to get those fans in the seats.
   What an absolute fiasco.

Picture This:
Two Tampa Bay Lightning Execs are were sitting around their local drinking hole watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

Exec #1: I don’t know why we aren’t getting fans to the games. Ok, I know hockey isn’t really a warm weather sport, and I know that we’re a hell of a long way from Canada, but there must be hockey fans in Tampa. But, we just have to find a way to get the fans excited enough to buy season tickets.

Exec #2: Hell it’s not about the weather; it’s about the mentality of these fans. They want to party, morning noon and night. They want to see hot chicks in thongs not guys in masks and padding. Is there a way to feature mud wrestling between periods? A little T&A could bring a spark to this game.

Exec #1: Humm that’s not a bad idea. We could create a party mood, and maybe we could get some gals to skate around in bikinis, and maybe we could have the players judge the mud- wrestling contest.

Exec #2: I think we’re on a roll, let’s get another pitcher of beer and figure this out before tomorrow’s meeting.

Four Hours Later:

Exec #1: Weeelll bud, I-I-I thin-k we’re gonnnna make this workkk. Hiccup. I can’t wait to talk to the bosssasss about this, ha, ha, ha.

Exec #2: Yep. What?

Exec #1: What do you mean what?

Exec #2: Oh I remember, we’re goona give away free beer, yeah, that’s it! We’ll be f------heroes!

Ah, but not so fast pardner. MADD got wind of this brew giveaway and before you could say Budweiser those execs were out looking for new jobs.

“During the first Eastern Conference playoff game between the Lightning and the Philadelphia Flyers on Saturday, the St. Pete Times Forum's main scoreboard advertised the offer. Those who paid $100 US toward 2004-05 season tickets were eligible for unlimited free beer during the game. “

If you’re the average Joe or Josephine looking to get a little more bang for your buck, this is a tempting offer not necessarily because it conjures up visions of frat parties and Animal House, but because it means that the powers that be may might actually like, I mean really, really like us! Sure, and my ass ain’t sagging. Maybe it can be thought of as a kind of peace offering to the fans from the greedy sports machine.

Here you go fans, we’re throwing you a bone, in the form of free brew, how great is that?

If you enjoy a beer or two while at a sporting event, then you know that the offer of free beer is huge. Last time I had a beer at a game I parted with $7.50. I make a conscious decision to hold my stadium brew to two glasses, and not a drop more. More than two and I’m running back to the restroom every half hour. More than two and the husband starts heading for the exit.

The cost of beer at sporting events has given birth to some very creative stealth-like ways of bringing in your own brew. I’ve seen pouches sewn into jackets, elastic sleeves in pockets, backpacks designed to hold water for joggers redesigned for brew. Yes, there is just no end to fan ingenuity.

But what were these Tampa Bay Lightning people thinking?

"Why attach alcohol to a season-ticket plan? It's almost encouraging people to drink more than they should because it is free," said Sgt. Chris Velar, who runs the Police Department's drunken driving squad.

”About 25 of the 21,000 people at the game signed up for season tickets, said team spokesman Bill Wickett. “

MADD said that the offer simply advertised irresponsible behavior.

Ya’ think?

While everyone is pro-fun (notwithstanding the NFL) alcohol and fun shouldn’t be synonymous when marketing a sporting event to the masses. Should it? Ever count the beer commercials during a sporting event?

Hypocritical? Absolutely, because as we know alcohol consumption is an integral part of the professional sporting event experience. That is not to say overindulgence is acceptable, but alcohol is a given at every stadium, arena, and sports venue in the country.

The Lightning offered free taxi service, but how “un-cool” and how “not-fun” would it be to have them call you a cab as you left the stadium?

I suppose the Lightning thought they were back in the 1940’s. A time when broads were broads, and men were men, a time when being under the influence was considered very cool.

Unfortunately for the Lightning, W.C. Fields or Dean Martin are long gone. But if W.C. Fields were still around the Lightning could have used him as their season ticket spokesman and launched the season ticket campaign with real aplomb!

From the mouth of a legendary drinker: W.C. Fields

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whittish fluid they force down helpless babies.
Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Information from: Tampa Tribune, http://www.tampatrib.com

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