All Eyes Are On Iverson
by Ivette Ricco, President of Femmefan.com (2001)

Basketball is not my sport. I like it but I don't love it, and I don't follow it closely.

Perhaps I'm a front-runner-type of fan when it comes to hoops. Basketball has only interested me during the NBA finals or when Michael "Air" Jordan was playing. But even Mike didn't make me a loyal hoops fan. In addition I'm not interested in listening to, Marv "bite me" Albert during a game.

But I kept hearing about that "gangsta", Allen Iverson, who is so not like Mike. Tattoos, cornrows, and a foul-mouthed rap record on his resume, Iverson is the antithesis of my ideal athlete. But, curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to watch the Bucks vs. the Sixers playoff series.

My initial reaction was that of surprise at the physical way these teams played, they looked as if they were street rivals. Damn, this is looking good. Rough, and physical play every single game, I enjoyed it.

Iverson is like that little annoying kid that no one wants on the team, but runs circles around everybody. He's that little gnat of a guy whose engine never stops running and is always in your face, Na-Na-Na-Na-Na! He's fast and fearless, and his mouth is always going. He might not be "like Mike" but his mind, body, and soul are all in the game, he intrigued me. What I had heard about Iverson was for the most part, negative.

"Nothing easy about being Allen Iverson, where everybody is looking at your every move, criticizing you for just saying a curse word when you get mad," he says. "(You) feel like you're some type of villain. The smallest man on the court, but the biggest villain in life."

The hip-hop nation and my world are generations apart. I admit I once had (past tense) a reputation as a party animal. Keep in mind my party was happening when disco was king. At the age of 50 something I tend to view life, my beloved athletes, and sports through Elton John rose-colored glasses, with prescription lenses.

Yes, I'm starting to feel a little like a dinosaur, as if I'm watching the world through myopic eyes. Gee, where are my bifocals?

In the interest of journalistic integrity, I knew I needed to learn a little about Iverson's hip-hop generation. If we are watching professional sports these days we aren't always watching guys named Mike, John, Steve, and Joe, we're watching Shaq, Terrell, Dieon, and Jamal. Their bodies may be adorned with distinctive tattoos, and their personas augmented by their entourage or posses. They are part of the new generation of athletes.

There is still a core of older experienced players in every sport, but let's face it, the next generation of athletes is here, and they're 20 something. Move over Geritol generation.

I decided I would research this story by joining the Iverson posse. First I went out and got a #3 Sixers jersey. I didn't have the hair necessary for the cornrows, so I found a cheap wig (Target to the rescue, I know it looks like a mop, but the price was right).

I stuck a bunch of phony tattoos all over me, (they ran when I put too much water on them) and then to complete the look I turned my Niner cap sideways. I was unwilling to add gold caps to my teeth ala Edgerin James or to wear truck jewelry that caused my knees to buckle, hey, I do have my standards. I was ready to join the party, but I still needed to talk the talk, otherwise my credibility would be compromised.

So how does one learn "hip-hop-ese", and where do I go to learn?

If you aren't surrounded by MTV or by teenagers then you are totally clueless when it comes to "hip-hop" lingo. The Puerto Rican party girl in me was pleased to discover that much of the Hip-Hop culture started in the 70's on the South Bronx streets. That "in" allowed me to dial 911 and set up a "meet" with the South Bronx's hip-hop master DJ, "Kiss My A.. Not Once But 2X."

"Kiss My A.. Not Once But 2X" was happy to give me a crash course on hip hop and rap lingo. He's the bomb.

Once I learned the Rap Dictionary I set forth to write an insightful and fair description of Iverson and the NBA finals for Femmefan.com. I tried really hard to avoid using any references to female or male body parts. I steered clear of references to marijuana or drugs. I nixed the use of anti-gay, anti-women, violent and profane terms. S… if that didn't F… with my self-expression.

I did, however, discover enough verbiage to try and cover this series in a timely, insightful, politically correct, and modern 2001 way. Can you dig it? *Definitions follow*

Game one of the finals was phat, the type of basketball game the NBA dreams of. This was a physical and heart pounding back and forth contest. Iverson is a fast and elusive player, when the Lakers slowed him down by putting Tyrone Lue in to defend him the Sixers stalled, but the superstars always play ball! The Lakers were upset at home. The TV ratings were great and it's no wonder.

The second game was slamming. More dazzling defense played by both teams. More Super-Shaq with a little "I'm trying" Bryant, and equal parts of Allen. Kobe redeemed himself in this game but this is still the Shaq and Allen show. They were hoopin it!

Loyal hoops fans should be proud of the way these teams represent this league.

In the battle of the really big man vs. the MVP little man you have to give them both their props. Basketball played at full throttle, lots of sweat, lots of muscle, is it any wonder women think these guys are fly?

The second game was won by the Lakers because they weren't going to be denied on their home court. Their high profile fans won't continue to plunk down their dead presidents if the series goes back to Philly 2-0. The Lakers did give their fans some anxious moments in the fourth quarter when they let they let those pesky Sixers back in the game with 3:35 to go. The Sixers were 5 points away from breaking the Lakers back. Final score Lakers 98 Sixers 89. We're all tied up 1-1. Gimme a dap!

In Game 3, Philadelphia is feeling the pain, but Shaq and Kobe are boo-yaa! The Sixers weren't playing with their usual vigor, and Iverson and Lue were battling physically as well as verbally, (did I see them mouth MF a time or two?) In the third quarter the Lakers were holding on to a 10 point lead, but the Sixers were staying in the game. They applied pressure late in the third and had the homeys on their feet. With 2:25 to go in the fourth Shaq fouled out. With 1:02 to play in the game the score was Lakers 89, Sixers 88. Kobe picked the perfect time to hit a 3 pointer, sweet. The Lakers go up in this physical series 2-1.

Game four was preceded by Shaq calling out Dikembe. Shaq accused Dikembe of acting and flopping to get the refs to call fouls on Shaq. Dikembe responds," yo,we be geese." Shaq is the type of player this older generation can relate to, he's making lots of cream, and his off the field conduct is beyond reproach. Sholda than show he is possibly the most dominant player in the NBA today.

Iverson may be short, in stature, but he is surely not short on passion for the game and he hops! But the Lakers were in complete control at the half with a 14 point lead. In the third quarter the Lakers increased their lead and could smell blood, they were 23 points up against the Sixers on their home court, it was getting ugly, with some SWASS.

In the fourth quarter the drama revved up again, with 9 minutes to play the Sixers went on a run and Iverson got hot, boo-yaa! They narrowed the gap to 8 points! I stopped folding clothes and came back to the action. This is more like it!

But, sadly for the Sixer fans the Lakers were just too strong, determined and talented to let the lead slip away, and the Philly crowd could sense the end was near. The Lakers won it 100-86 in the most lopsided game of the series.

Game 5, it's do or die for Iverson and the Sixers.

The Sixers committed 3 fouls in the first 30 seconds, Iverson had 2 fouls due to early anxiety, Iverson needed to chill.

The Sixers started hoopin it, they were leading 16-13 until the Lakers tied it up. At the end of a furious half it's 62 Lakers, Sixers 48 with Iverson showing signs of a rib injury and the Lakers showing signs of taking home another trophy. In the end the Lakers were just too tough. But you have got to like the way Iverson gave his all. Allen Iverson He's All That!

Iverson and Shaq, are invited to my Player's Ball anyday for some Crissy!

The Rap Dictionary
Bomb = Very good
911 = emergency
Truck Jewelry = Big gold jewelry
SWASS = some wild-ass silly shit
Sholda Than Show = surer than sure
Homey = close friend
Crissy = Cristal Champagne
Gimme a dap = high five
Phat = really good
Play ball = playing basketball
Player's ball = a party for basketball players
Posse = group of people you hang out with
Props = proper respect
Represent = "Represent"
Slamming = dynamic
Sweet = cool
Hoopin' it = playing a game of basketball
All that = in possession of all good qualities
Be geese = to leave "Yo we be geese"
Boo = a term of endearment
Boo-yaa = incredibly fine
Chill = relax
Cream = money
Dead presidents = money
Dig = to understand
Dog = a friend
Fly = attractive, beautiful
Hops = vertical jump, usually related to basketball
MF = short for m-----f----, short for Mark Fuhrman (OJ)

 

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