Maggie's Northern Exposure:
Super Bowl Sunday in Slattsbury
February 9, 2004
Here I am last Saturday, sitting at my local bar,
The Dog Tooth Lounge, in a little place called Slattsbury,
Canada, and all the talk is about the Super Bowl.
The place holds 52 people, given the allotted 13 square
feet per customer - (I still don't know if that's
laying down or standing up), and the talk at the Liar's
Table, where I always sit, turns to Super Bowl parties.
Well, there was going to be one at The Dog Tooth
for sure. "So where's the decorations?"
says Lloyd, one of the guys who has no teeth. Bella,
the owner, says, "I tried. Honest I did! There's
nothing to be had in the stores anywhere. No banners,
no beer mugs, no nothin."
Then Bim, short for Bimbo - there's 3 guys all called
Bimbo within a 5 mile radius here -(two have teeth)
says that one of the guys he works with at the warehouse
rented a big-screen TV and he was having a Super Bowl
Garage Party and he couldn't find anything either
that says Panthers or Patriots.
Then Rosie (she's had eleven heart attacks and swears
it's the beer that lets her keep on tickin) says she
knows a 'girl' who's having a party (has one every
year) and she even managed to get a keg of draft from
the brewery, but she couldn't find any pendants or
posters for nothin either.
Well, Sunday finally rolled around and Bessie Mae,
being a typical
female genius, didn't let any of that deter her. She
went on the Internet and found some pictures - she
wasn't allowed to download the Real McCoy. She printed
them out on some paper - two to a sheet, cut the sheet
in two, and taped each one to a straw. Well, they
had a hell of a good time with those. It never once
bothered them that the picture of the panther looked
a lot like Fred's alley cat (Fred doesn't have any
teeth either) and the Patriot hat was really a Trojan
warrior's.
Bim had brought his little turquoise-blue rifle
that he bought at the
Dollar Store. During half time they all took turns
using it to shoot Dollar Store saltshakers off the
end of the Liar's Table. They were so busy at that,
they missed The Nipple News altogether.
And that my friend was Super Bowl Sunday in Slattsbury.
Maggie
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