Anything you can do we can…

by Ivette Ricco

September 27, 2004

Greg Wyshynski, better known as JQ says in his most recent column, “I don’t ever want to hear a woman doing play-by-play on a football broadcast again. They suck at it, and they ruin my whole day.”

The person to blame for Greg’s apparent bad day (if there is something we gals have perfected is how to ruin a man’s day”) ahem, back to my original thought, is none other than ESPN2’s Pam Ward.

Seems that Greg was spending his typical Saturday hanging around with no specific goals in mind when he happened to tune into the Maryland/West Virginia game, “because Maryland is my alma mater…and because I’d watch two turtles in a 50 yard dash if I had enough money on it,” according to GW.

Here’s a news flash Greg, tune into any ESPN Sunday Night Game, and you will actually be able to watch two turtles in a 3 hour bore-a-thon, Joe Theismann and Paul MaGuire.

Greg, I have to admit that perhaps Pam’s voice is a little jarring when you’re expecting the football analysts’ voices to rumble and roar. I myself would prefer a smooth, sexy baritone voice soothing my shattered nerves as I enjoy a football game.

Frankly anyone is preferable to the nasal dueling-duo of Theismann and MaGuire. They sound like two mismatched lovebirds as they chatter non-stop and get the players’ names wrong and point out the obvious, yet again for the 1,000 th time.

And for gosh sake haven’t they run out tired clichés yet? These two are the most irritating pair in all of sports announcing. Rarely is there a consensus or a meeting of their little minds. Paul MaGuire is especially irritating considering his football expertise is enhanced by his short stint with the Buffalo Bills as a punter in an era when football players wore leather helmets!

I am not taking the obvious position, that Pam Ward is a professional journalist, that she has earned the right to practice her profession just as any other announcer would be, regardless of gender.

I’m not about to cry, “foul” whenever a female doesn’t get her just due. But Greg, are you sure the voice you were listening to didn’t belong to someone other than Pam. Could that have been Mike Tomczak on too much caffeine or with underwear that was just a little too tight? Just wondering.

From a practical standpoint, ESPN is hoping that Pam Ward will attract a certain type of college football fan. They are experimenting with ways to attract a younger more affluent market, moving slightly away from the 60-something alumni, towards the more mobile and affluent 30-40-something alumni.

After her Michigan State-Michigan telecast, Chicago Sun-Times columnist Ron Rapoport said, "I'm inclined to agree with Andy Rooney that women shouldn't be reporting from the sidelines. More of them should be doing play-by-play."

It all started three years ago, after USA Today wrote about the sorry tale of women basically being prohibited from the football booth (as if men should be prohibited from, say, delivering babies). Ward went into the ESPN office of John Walsh, the senior vice president, executive editor and resident genius.

"I threw the paper down and said, 'I don't want to read this stuff anymore. Let me do it.'" And he did. "All I had to do was ask," Ward said, in retrospect. "If I had known that, I would have done it earlier. People don't bat an eye when guys do play-by-play. I figured I could."

Courtesy of: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

As for Miss Ward, she has had to play ball in the boy’s playground with their ball! That alone is worthy of a little respect. But, I get it; her voice is a bother and a distraction.

Just like a guy to get so easily distracted by the sound of a female voice. Hit the mute Greg; go on, you can do it.

Even Neanderthal man Andy Rooney seems to have experienced the same debilitating condition, it’s called FVD, female voice distraction; I believe it’s a pre-cursor to ED.

Click here for the Jester’s Quart, No Football, Ladies

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